someone threw a dead crab at me
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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