glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
