i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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