So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
