For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
