I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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