remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
