I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
