my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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