she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
