You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
