I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
