Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Randomize
