I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
