matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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