So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
