allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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