my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize