What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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