Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
