Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You ruined the universe
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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