She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
