She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
