i'm signing you up for texting rehab
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
