That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
