Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
