he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
