So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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