Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
