Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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