More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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