Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
