I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you had me at cake vodka
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
