Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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