There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
