I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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