The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
