They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
