So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
