She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
