Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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