from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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