they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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