i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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