Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just googled if crying burns calories
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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