just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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