i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
