Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
