so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
