Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
