You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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