i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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