My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
