I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
