If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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