woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
