3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
