He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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