Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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