Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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