Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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